Category: Kids

Do Not Set Sail, Oh Sailor!

My 6th grader brought this home from school yesterday. “I had some time after my math test and this popped out of my head. It’s a little dark…”

I’m a little confused why (and how) my 6th grader has Victorian sailor tropes popping into her head after math tests.

Do not set sail, oh sailor!
Do not set sail, oh sailor!

Do not set sail, oh sailor. Beware the seeping sin.

Do not depart on this acursed voyage, for the serpent will do you in!

The ocean yields up horrors, monsters waiting to pull you down.

As you sink, slowly suffocating, you begin to drown.

The water becoming our grave, you inch closer to death

The serpents teeth tear into your body, and you lose your final breath

So do not set sail, oh sailor. Beware the seeping sin.

Do not depart on this acursed voyage, for the serpent will do you in!

Vampire Vineyards

I found this in our fridge. Our 9 year old decided the regular apple juice wasn’t interesting enough and dyed it red with food coloring and made a custom label for it.

[Front]
Blood
Since 2000 B.C.

Vampire
Vineyards

Made in Transylvania

[Back]
Since 2,000 b.c our vampires have plucked the juiciest humans, smashed them into polp. What you suck now was made with 2,000 years of hard work.

Vampire Vineyards also serves chicken blood, human drumsticks, brains (a favorite of our fellow zombies), and human spirits (liquidized).

“Vell, vat tastes vood!” – Dracula

“Their brains…are…the…best…” – Zombie of George Washington

“Grunt, sniffle, ROAR!” – the Wolfman

He’s nine. I’m giving you notice “creatives”. You have about 15 years to enjoy your careers before this kid makes you look like you have two left brains.

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A New Black Hole

“It feels like my bed is the center of a new black hole.” Mumbled almost unintelligably by Reese, whose eyes refused to open this morning when it was time for school. I hear you buddy, I hear you.31 minutes ago

via Facebook – Adrienne

What did you THINK we would be talking about?

Walked past the kids’ room just now and heard the eight-year-old and five-year-old talking.

“Hey, what are you guys still doing up?! What on earth are you talking about?”

“Dad, Anna had never heard of Martin Luther King and I was just giving her a quick overview of who he was and his most famous speech.”

“Uh, OK, carry on…”

Glow, Little Glow Reese

Reese accidentally cracked open a little glow stick he was playing with today. He asked if he could pour the liquid out into a jar. The glow stick was labeled “Non-Toxic” so we thought that seemed like a fun idea. He got a pair of scissors out and was cutting up the glow stick so he could more easily get the liquid out when we heard him yell, “Oh no!”

When he cut the little stick the top went flying. He happened to be standing at the sink in the master bedroom. You could just barely see a couple of liquid dots on the carpet glowing faintly. That is until I turned out the lights and we saw this:

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Awesome!

I don’t think we have to clean it up because you can’t really see it with the light on and that stuff will probably stop glowing in a day or two right?

Then Reese pointed out that he thought he might have gotten it on his face as well. If you look closely you can see, sure enough, he did.

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We turned off the light again. Somehow we were so amazed by the carpet that we had missed this!

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Awesome! I hope it is permanent!

The moral of the story is that if you let your kids play with strange chemicals fun things will happen.

Freedom!

The battle continues.

Anna got upset because she got in trouble for arguing with Reese and wrote “This house stinks!” on her magna-doodle (Spelled like this, “THS HAOS STNKS!”). This infuriated Reese, “That is false! This is an awesome house!”

I stepped in and said, “Reese, just leave her alone. She can write whatever she wants.” Without missing a beat Reese yells, “That’s right! That’s what makes this such an awesome house. We have the freedom to write whatever we want to write Anna!”

Later we found this note Reese had left for Anna:

Freedom