I am sitting in Starbucks in Fullerton CA writing a report for work. How I came to be in Fullerton is a story in and of itself. It involved my family being down here and me being in Utah, a crushing case of burnout, and a song I couldn’t get out of my head. It ended in a spur-of-the-moment 90 mph drive to California.
I really enjoy my job, but it is mentally exhausting. A couple of quotes from websites describing being a usability specialist:
Observing well is hard and exhausting…
The tester’s job requires an intense and exhausting level of concentration…
I was exhausted.
A couple days ago I woke up at 4am replacing the back of my alarm clock. I had been dreaming that I had to evaluate its interface and make recommendations to improve it by morning. I later noticed that I had managed to move the time forward by four hours and 15 minutes.
I don’t know how to explain how burnt out I felt. It wasn’t like I was going to go postal, more like I was going to crawl under my desk and start sobbing.
Adrienne and I had planned to go to California, but I couldn’t go. There was too much work and too few workers. Two babies born to two of my team members within a week, and another team member was in Mexico, leaving just me and my boss.
I sent Adrienne and Reese off to play in California for eleven days while I focused on work. By Saturday morning, day nine, I was completely and totally fried. I was sitting on the couch writing a report for work and listening to music, when California Stars came on.
California Stars
I’d like to rest my heavy head tonight On a bed of California stars I’d like to lay my weary bones tonight On a bed of California stars
I’d love to feel your hand touching mine And tell me why I must keep working on Yes, I’d give my life to lay my head tonight On a bed of California stars
I’d like to dream my troubles all away On a bed of California stars Jump up from my starbed and make another day Underneath my California stars
They hang like grapes on vines that shine And warm the lovers glass like friendly wine So, I’d give this world just to dream a dream with you On our bed of California stars
- Woody Guthrie
That was it. I was taking a break. I had to. I was going to lay my head on a bed of California stars, and I was going to do it that night. I IMed my boss and said, “I am going to California.” To his great credit, especially since it meant him holding down the fort at work all by himself, he just replied, “Have fun.” I quickly packed and jumped in the car. I only stopped to get gas.
As I got off the freeway in Fullerton the air was cool and moist and smelled like orange blossoms, and out of the 4,000 songs on my ipod, California Stars began to play.
Adrienne and Reese were rather surprised to see me 750 miles from home.
But vacation has to wait. Right now I am paying $10 for high speed wireless internet in Starbucks and hammering out a report for work. Even though I am still working, just being here is such a relief, I feel like my brain works again. I can think clearly again, and I feel physically lighter. I am going to finish this report tonight and not think about work at all for a few days.
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I am done with the report now, and the California stars are calling.