I have two hypotheses and I am having a very difficult time proving or disproving them because they are so similar in likelihood. Nothing in college prepared me to solve this one.

Either:

  1. I have a cold.
  2. Last night a cement mixer backed into my bedroom and dumped a full load of concrete right into my head.

On the plus side, my voice has dropped so low that I am going to record a Barry White tribute album.