Taser Animal Enrager

If I were Taser trying to market my “ADVANCED TASER® M26 MODEL # 88000 — High amperage MX Animal TASER for animals only” I think I would choose a different video than this one where they zap an agitated bull and it falls down for a few seconds only to jump up 83.7 times angrier than before.

I would love to read that bull’s thoughts, “Ouchie. Now I KILL!”

Anyone who buys an animal Taser should watch this video. It will save you from the unfortunate scenario where you taser the raging bull and say, “What’s up now bull!” and then turn to your friend to explain how you kicked the bull’s butt, just in time to have the bull level you from behind and do a dance on you.

If you know how a Taser works you will be as baffled as I am about how this thing could actually help you. The Taser fires two barbed probes that are connected to the gun by fine wires that trail behind them. It has about a 25ft range or so. So basically, you can drop the charging bull, and then you have three options:

1. Channel your inner olympian and run like the wind. But since that bull was only down for about 3 seconds and is now insane with anger I think you are pretty much a dead man.
2. Stay attached to the bull and keep shocking it until the batteries, and you, die.
3. Operant Conditioning. Let the bull get up and start to charge you, yell “NO!” and then shock him again. Repeat this process until batteries run out. When the bull charges you again, yell “No!” If it worked he will associate your yelling “no” with the shock and will leave you alone for a while. If it didn’t work he will stomp you into the ground.

Basically, they should rebrand this thing as the “Taser Animal Enrager” or the “Taser Extremely Dangerous Device for Training Animals”

Regardless of how useful it actually is, I would pay for a video of someone shocking an angry grizzly bear with one of these.

Check out the video:
» How To Make An Angry Bull Angrier (1.8mb mov)

11 responses for Taser Animal Enrager

  1. Gonzalito says:

    After seeing the video and the final warning about not to use it on humans, I thought of something:

    What would happen if the taser gets in the hands of the “little scientist” Josh has at home?. It’d be interesting, to say the least.

  2. Brian says:

    How about a round of applause for the tough-guy animal cop in his super taser stance and aviator glasses clearly showing the bull who’s in charge. “No one paws the ground on my beat, bull!” All that was missing was a constipated Keanu Reeves voice (ala “Speed”) saying, “You’re stuck in a pen, bull. What do you do? What do you do?”

  3. Jed Wood says:

    My only question is, how in the world did you first come across this thing?

    :: checks Blingo search count for the day ::

    “…hmmm, I’ve got 2 more chances to win. Let’s see… how about “tasing animals?”

  4. Shawn says:

    What gets me is the sustained MOOOOOOO during the entire shock treatment.

    Proof that cruelty to animals is wrong, disgusting, disturbing, and extremely funny.

    PS Did that bull think the fence did the damage? And will that bull now have a morbid fear of gates?

  5. Kerry says:

    I am impressed by your math skills. Not just anyone can calculate with such exactitude how much angrier the bull became. Your research into the perturbed bull vs the totally ticked bull must have been fascinating! :)

  6. joe Penrod says:

    I’ve always wondered about that whole taser wire conundrum. Let’s say you taser a mugger, do you drop the taser and run once you’ve shocked him? How much do those things cost? Would it have been more cost effective to just give him your wallet? Do you march him to the police station jolting him everytime he makes a wrong turn? Would it be wrong to walk him home like a delinquent puppy and make him wash your car?

  7. daft spunk says:

    How nice of those guy to make that bull a film star before he gets vacuum packed and shoved into a hotdog bun! I’d love to shove that ace marksman into a high school locker with a pitbull on crack!

    Either that or knock the radio off the edge of his bubbly tub.

  8. Eugene says:

    I remember reading on the manufacturers website that the taser (X26 model) is designed to shock for 10 seconds at a go for the first two times. At the third time, it stays on for 30 seconds, letting you drop the taser and run. Send Taser International a copy of the ploice report of the incident and they’ll replace it for free.


    Under replacement guarantee

  9. Anonymous says:

    I want to know who is going to pull the barbs out of the bull.

  10. meat says:

    …funny!!I love hurting animals!!