Children Will Find Our Faces in the Stars at Night

My twin brother Joe has been trying to convince me to go into business with him. We were chatting about it and I had to walk away from my computer for a while. He continued messaging me while I was gone and this is what I returned to find:

> that’s why you want to do business with me josh

> the people will love us

> we may inadvertently end up running a small country

> and not even know it

> we’ll just check our tax status and find out we are exempt due to the religious following we have acquired

> kittens will follow us through the streets and hobos will pour a bit of their 40’s out for us around their flaming trash barrels

> children will find our faces in the stars at night

> and migrant laborers will sing songs of our exploits in their native tongues as they pick strawberries

> drinks will be named after us

> as will aircraft carriers

> birds will practice new songs to sing as we walk by

> and squirrels will bring us their stores of nuts and leave them at our doorstep

> can you not see that you need to go into business with me?

> can you not see that we will rock the world?

> “the Penrod twins are tall and thin. I caught a glimpse of them the other day. I wept as they passed and tipped my glass and sang please, please don’t walk away!”

> that was an Irish drinking song that will be written about us

> are you unconscious? Sometimes that happens if I don’t keep my skills on “low”

> sorry about that

> when you wake up you will feel rested and have a pleasant taste in your mouth.

> That is also a side effect of my sales pitch

> it will pass in a few minutes (as much as you might hope it won’t)

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Josh

Amishrobot is a website by Josh Penrod, a User Experience and Product guy who can't be bothered to use any of his UX knowledge on his own site. More about me

14 thoughts on “Children Will Find Our Faces in the Stars at Night”

  1. “the Penrod twins are tall and thin. I caught a glimpse of them the other day. I wept as they passed and tipped my glass and sang please, please don’t walk away!”

    I’ll sing that!

  2. That’s a heck of a sales pitch. I don’t see how you can resist. I have come to the conclusion that the only way this world will be right for me is if I can find a way to make money doing something with my friends. I sure hope chaz learns a few things a UCLA cause I won’t have much to offer in the way of business savvy. You got to have savvy.

  3. Reminded me if the first page of David Sedaris’s “Naked”:

    (The reverend says) our faces brought him closer to God. And it’s true, we’re terribly good-looking people. They’re using my mother’s profile on the new monorail token… the people at NASA want to design a lunar module based on the shape of our skulls. Our cheekbones are aeronautic…

    See for yourself

  4. Joe – this is too close to my ‘watch this space text’:

    when you wake up you will feel rested and have a pleasant taste in your mouth.

    I demand you withdraw it or i will have to sue you, it’s not because i want to you understand, i will have to.

  5. While I won’t deny that “watch this space” is brilliant, I’m not sure you can copywrite “rest”. I attribute any similarities not to plagerism, but to genetics. You create websites that leave people relaxed and revitalized and my sale spitch leaves people rested and with a pleasant taste in their mouths. Only our shared DNA can explain it fully.

  6. I’m glad to report that Joe and I have resolved the issue of him using my results in his sales technique. I look forward to my 10% of gross revenue. Joe’s confusing came from his misunderstanding of a copywrite, where in fact he needed to be worried about a patent.

  7. Really, have you EVER gotten a pitch like this from anywhere? You should jump on this!

    Plus, if you both are indicted for some sort of business crime where the evidence involved DNA, you’d be each other’s reasonable doubt. That alone is reason enough to go into some sort of enterprise with the man! (I have ID twins of my own, we’ve got this all planned out for them. They don’t have their own Irish drinking songs, though, so even among twins you guys are above and beyond…)

  8. …kittens will follow us through the streets and hobos will pour a bit of their 40’s out for us around their flaming trash barrels…

    I feel so happy and at peace. Is this what you will market?

    May I be a silent partner. It would be difficult, but I’m willing to try. I’m 5′ 1&3/4″. Is that close enough?

    How about if I just jump all the time to make up the difference?

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