The Spirit Of Self-Blasting Explosion
Second only to the Iraqi Information Minister is the North Korean Central News Agency. Just look at these “We-write-like-Russians-in-the-80’s” Cold-War-cool press releases:
U.S. Imperialists’ Aerial Espionage on DPRK
Union members, youth and students vow to vent their spite
Anti-U.S. posters produced
That poster article made me ask myself some hard questions:
- Why doesn’t our government produce posters anymore? Do I just not see them because we don’t have cool press releases to celebrate them?
- If we were to produce posters, could we get these Korean students to write them? I mean, look at this poster title!
“Let Us Defend the Sovereignty, Right to Existence and Dignity of the Country and the Nation in a Do-or-Die Spirit”.
Maybe we could make a poster,
“Hey North Korea, Any Xenophobic Feelings We Have Towards You Are Directly Caused By Your Continuous Insistence On Acting Like Aliens. Seriously, You Freak Us Out. No, Seriously.”
I also think we could use more press releases to the world like this one:
DPRK, Dignified Powerful Nation .
Pyongyang, November 30 (KCNA) — The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea is an invincible powerful nation with a great national power enough to firmly defend its just idea, system and cause, stresses Rodong Sinmun today in a signed article. The DPRK is an indestructible political power in which the whole party, the entire army and all the people get united in one mind and an ever-victorious military power, the article says, and goes on:
…The singlehearted unity of the party, the army and the people is a true and solid unity and cohesion which can neither be destroyed by nuclear weapons nor be toppled down by any crafty psychological warfare as it is an ideological, willful and moral unity based on the revolutionary faith and comradeship.
The DPRK has a powerful might enough to decisively check and frustrate the imperialists’ vicious moves of aggression and war. We are firmly armed with the war method of Juche in the spirit of devotedly defending the leader, the spirit of laying down our life as a human bullet and bomb and the spirit of self-blasting explosion and has ever-victorious revolutionary strong army of Mt. Paektu equipped with modern offensive and defensive means and the powerful independent defense industry…
Seriously, after reading that, who would mess with an “invincible”, “Dignified Powerful Nation” with “the spirit of self-blasting explosion”! Certainly our “crafty psychological warfare” will not topple them! They come from Mt. Paektu, how could it?!
Why isn’t the White House sending out press releases like that?
North Korean Central News Agency, you lovable histrionic psychopaths, you just made it onto my daily read list!
A related item. Kim Jongill’s online journal (I am pretty sure if he had a real one it would be just like this).
Update: A rebuttal from Andrew, who by no means should be considered a North Korean Spy:
As a Korean-American who is in no way a North Korean spy, I can say that I don’t know what you find funny about the super awesome ever blossoming press release of truth that you have quoted from, imperialist lapdog.
Why do the enslaved, morally corrupt war mongering peoples of the United States continue to question the right of the Great Leader’s word? Is it because he shines too bright with goodness of right so you can not put your lying eyes on him. GREAT LEADER 4-EVA!
Much funny. Superior writing and jokularity from one merciful and benevolent Josh. Soon to be made great web master of all. No one can overcome his super power of observation and humor. Self-laughter from many will explode upon reading this.
I bet this was once a coherent and moving press release written in Korean, and then unfortunately run thtrough Babelfish or some auto-translator. I mean really – “and the people is a true and solid unity and cohesion” This is taking ineloquence too far.
as a korean-american who is in no way a north korean spy, i can say that i don’t know what you find funny about the super awesome ever blossoming press release of truth that you have quoted from, imperialist lapdog. why do the enslaved, morally corrupt war mongering peoples of the united states continue to question the right of the Great Leader’s word? is it because he shines too bright with goodness of right so you can not put your lying eyes on him. GREAT LEADER 4-EVA!
Any of the many evil countries that try to mess us up will get some of our super duper thingies dropped on them. So much explosioins happen upon mongrels who use devastating words against us. Because the words explode and implode at the same time creating massive tensions scenarios within it’s own soul while at the same time our own pride ingeniously spreads out like flowers, flowers in our stronger-than-theirs youth
If I was ever to a.) try to start a band and come up with a name, or, b.) make cleverly out-of-context home screened t-shirts I would need no other resources than that press release.
“invincible powerful nation with a great national power “
“crafty psychological warfare”
“powerful might enough”
“human bullet” (*wasn’t this a The Tick character?)
“self-blasting explosion”
“ever-victorious revolutionary strong army”
“Mt. Paektu”
And so on and so forth.
I like “Singlehearted Unity” Its wordy and redundant.