Psy Ops

I think today I invented the ultimate line in all of trash-talkdom.

While playing foosball (yes, I used to play Division 1 volleyball, now I play foosball) today I repeatedly hit a devastating angle shot against a coworker. This line came to me, feel free to apply it to any sport you would like.

“I am no legal expert, but I am pretty sure that, in this state at least, if I hit that shot on you one more time you become my common-law wife”.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you get your nose broken.

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Amishrobot is a website by Josh Penrod, a User Experience and Product guy who can't be bothered to use any of his UX knowledge on his own site. More about me

21 thoughts on “Psy Ops”

  1. after staring at this post i finally get it! woohoo!(i am proud of this being that i have the lowest i.q. is this group at 4,000,000,000)

  2. Man, every time I play that game I’m so focused on the ball and the hundreds of players that I’m supposed to control that I can never possibly think of a line so trash talkie spur of the moment like that–I spin all of my trash talk lines “spur of the moment” in the car ride home after I’ve been inevitably beatdown–not nearly as good as in the heat of the battle. I’m going to rehearse this line a couple of times and slip it in there every time I score a point, because this line is so good that it would only get funnier and funnier to my opponent the more I say it.

  3. What would a clever retort be to a smack down like that? “Well at least I now get child support?” or “Then you can start by taking out the trash!” (must be followed by a goal) However your considerable “social advantage” (wink, wink)would keep any smaller man quiet, so as not to inflam your ledgendary rage. As a side note, do you find a “devastating angle shot” as satisfying in foosball, as a spike in D-1 volleyball?

  4. Sadly Martin, the answer is no. But that doesn’t stop me from talking trash across the table and flying into violent rages when I lose.

  5. While I never was gifted enough to play D-1, I am playing baseball on Saturday mornings in a adult baseball league. I pitch, and I might throw a fastfall 80-82 mph. I manage to strike out a lot of guys with my changeup and curveball, but those rare times when I throw an extra hard fastball by them for strike three I want to pump my fist and talk some trash. Sadly that is frowned upon in baseball . . . . .
    I play video/computer games now too. When I get a nice kill in Halo/Counter-strike/Unreal I simple say “Slimy, yet satisfying.”

  6. the best trash talk i ever came up with was ” you suck” and that usually gave me the sense of happiness after a kill in halo.

  7. josh, have you noticed that in each of my posts, I always have at least one error? Take my last post, “I simple say . . . .” what is up with that? I guess I’m like the Navajo weavers, I purposely include errors so as to keep me humble and remember that only God is perfect.
    (Can you find the error in this post?)

  8. I believe this is another of your mistakes Martin.

    “…josh, have you noticed that in each of my posts, I always have at least one error?…”

    Capitalize ‘josh’ and leave out the comma. Plus, “always” is redundant and the phrase would be more effective without it. I appreciate you making these mistakes as they not only render yourself, but your entire readership closer to God.

  9. Is failing to capitalize “josh” really an error? It appears that he spells it “josh” when naming himself, thus I feel I should refer to people in the same way they refer to themselves . . . . oh forget it it was a flub, but placed with care and knowledge.

  10. So Josh (josh?) is say we can’t trash talk on a thread about trash-talking? That’s why I like Josh so much he has a way with subtle irony. On a side note a pier (peer?) of mine was disputing the inherent sexual nature of the taunt claming common law wife status. Josh could you please verify or deny this.

  11. No irony here, just the subtlety part. I try to avoid being ham-fisted out of respect for our Kosher readers.

    I was merely trying to point out that the medium of the message may matter (an alliteration out of respect for our alliterate readers).

    When the comments turn into a conversation between two people (which is cool) and that conversation becomes extended, then it would seem more appropriately continued via email.

    My comments were made on the site rather than via email because they serve to establish a guideline (not a rule mind you) for the community.

    Now, as for the sexual nature of the trash talk (and who is this infamous peir/peer you speak of?) I can’t answer because I do not know. The trash talk was given to me from the ether.

    There was no direction given with it other than “speak this and your enemies will tremble”.

    I do not think it is sexual in nature, as common-law wife status doesn’t require a sexual relationship. I think instead you will find in the comment a theme of familiarity–I know you so well that our competitive relationship has achieved legal and lasting status.

    There also may be sexist themes of domination and ownership.

  12. I thought that “the impossible angle of the shot” implied, well…ummm…you know, and then all of a sudden you’re common law, anyways, I thought it was sexual and I thought I was pretty derned clever for figuring this out.

    I don’t think that trash talking with one other person would be as fun through email. This place is like a stage. Plus, I don’t know Martin, so email may seem awkward. I may get carried away, but it’s the insomnia talking. I sometimes laugh (mostly inwardly) if Josh knows/remembers who I am.
    If you insist that I stop, well, I’ll just bow out (although it doesn’t really adhere to the theme of this thread now does it?)
    Martin, “Josh (josh?) is say…” that was a doozy error; you’re really keeping the streak alive. Sorry Josh, just that one last one.

  13. I find your disclaimer quite amusing. At first it seems that you are warning anyone who uses this taunt, that they may face physical danger when evoked, and that you will accept responsibility for all bodily injuries suffered as a result with the loan exception of a broken nose. Upon further reflection I now see that you are saying that if for ANY reason one’s nose gets broken, you are absolved from the responsibility to provide free medical care and counseling as a result of the injury. This type of shrewd qualifier has no doubt saved you thousands of dollars and countless hours of worry. I broke my nose recently – actually before this taunt was shared, and I was still looking for someone to take responsibility. I finally settled on you, for obvious reasons, and then I get hit with this disclaimer that leaves me no room to negotiate. Oh well maybe I can sue the RIAA.

  14. I think you would be pretty safe in sueing anyone with a broadband internet connection (except for me obviously) on the grounds that they MAY be trading nose-breaking plans. If things continue how they have, you will probably win the case.

  15. I have no expertees (sp) in trash talking or taunts but I agree with Martin’s peer and now Josh on the point that it was mostly meant as a dig on the level of dominance and ownership and was not sexual in nature. Actually I AM that infamous peer and can only guess that Martin didn’t want my feelings to be hurt as he used all possible means to prove that I was wrong and he was right. Sorry Martin. I win. Mwwaahaaahaaahaaa

  16. I respectfully decline Josh’s offer that the sexual references were not in the trash talk and in the strongest words this Canadian can muster, declare that the trash talk is inherently sexual. I just think that it’s better this way. (This brings us back to the master/student dilemma).

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