Next time I am flying Fed-Ex

I am sitting on a Salt Lake bound flight right now, I have been reading Fresh Styles for Web Designers (generously given to me by Jason Fried), listening to The Very Best Of Elvis Costello And The Attractions, and reflecting on an enjoyable weekend–I would be in a great mood if it weren’t for the fact that my knees are currently pinned to my chest, and my elbows held out sideways so i can type on the powerbook that is jammed into my stomach.

Of course you are going bankrupt United (though I thank you for keeping it together long enough for my return flight). Here is a business tip. Customers don’t like it when you make them horribly uncomfortable for hours on end. I could approximate your business model by charging $200 to hit people in the knee with a rubber mallet for an hour and then dropping them off at the bus station.

Being 6’6“ was a great thing when I was a high-school athlete. Even in college, for a volleyball player I was pretty tall and that was a good thing. But now, what are the benefits? the whole ”tall people make more money“ thing seems to be a lie and I constantly hit my head on stuff. I am considering arm and leg-shortening surgery (I suppose I will just have to live with the torso).

Chicago was great. That is a city I could for sure live in. People were friendly, the food was incredible, there was plenty to do. I would, however, recommend the mayor reconsider his decision to pump the scent of stale urine throughout the downtown. I am not sure what he was hoping to accomplish with that, but I found it a bit off-putting.

The 37signals workshop was great. If you are a web-professional and you don’t pay attention to 37signals I think we can safely say that you have the IQ of a retarded cabbage.

I took almost no pictures of the trip and it is Robert Capa‘s fault. One evening I wandered the Magnificent Mile and ended up in a bookstore where I sat and looked through a couple of Robert Capa books. I was awe-struck. I am familiar with his work–and not just the war photos–but for some reason it hit me hard that night. I was not inspired. No, I was demoralized (Sideways! Is my plane supposed to be moving sideways!?).

So, the posting of photos is now on hiatus until morale is regained through much practice and self-imposed home-work. I am also leaving open the option of regaining morale by winning the lottery. I don’t want to limit myself here.

Now, a note to you Elvis Costello. You are a genius. We will not argue that, but we will suggest humbly from our talentless glass-house–there are ways to end songs other than repeating the refrain 30 times as you gradually fade out.

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Josh

Amishrobot is a website by Josh Penrod, a User Experience and Product guy who can't be bothered to use any of his UX knowledge on his own site. More about me

6 thoughts on “Next time I am flying Fed-Ex”

  1. travel seems to bring out the bestin you. very entertaining. I just felt a little bummed because it could look down and see it was coming to an end. Oh, and send this to the airlines and to the city. Who knows what good could come of it.

  2. Don’t forget, the minute you move to chicago it will instantly become a hot, humid, miserable summer or a freezing cold miserable winter. It’s like those people who go to Simi in early spring and tell you how beautiful it is, when all you really remember is 9 months of monotonous brown broken up by a couple months of fires (only simi’s weather beats the snot out of chicago).

  3. I must contest your assertion that extreme height is no loner useful, once athletic competition has ceased. My new philosophy is that “All human interactions are thinly vailed athletic contexts” and being tall is stil the chief advantage. (followed closely by a full head of hair) I just got a job with no skills other than being 6′ 4″ tall and white. My only other observation is that I make more money now than when I was in high school. The only difference is I am now much fatter. Thus we see that for your ample social height advantage to truly dominate smaller men, you must stop any behavior that keeps you at your playing weight. Don’t even bother trying to refute my theory, like Mies Van Der Rohe, anyone who disagrees with me, is judged to be uncapable of understanding my works sublime genius.

  4. Try being fat. If you think that you are uncomfortable with you knees in you chest and your elbows touching both sides of the plane. Try having to share half a seat with the person next to you and not being able to use the tray in front of you. Not to mention if you have to use the bathroom. Ever seen “Tommy Boy”… well I lived it.

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