I’m having a hard time putting this into words. I’ve written and deleted like four lengthy paragraphs now, and each time I feel like I’ve fallen short of the deceptively simple message I’m trying to convey.
I read an article about the man who interviewed Mr. Rogers, and it just touched me. I’ve been thinking about cynicism lately, and been marveling about how lucky I am to have learned how to be optimistic before I went to college.
I’m going to try and break down my thoughts one more time, disjointed and weirdly unnavigable as they are.
You have nothing to gain from assuming the worst in anyone or anything.
I know. People say that kind of thing a lot. I’m not advocating for the kind of positivity where you ignore every actually bad or problematic thing in your life, but I am advocating for the kind of positivity where you just let things go the way they’re going to go, and highlight the moments you liked with the utmost enthusiasm.
The example I always think about was the time I was driving with my friends in high school, and a girl drifted across our lane and into the lane next to ours. She waved, and it was a pretty ambiguous gesture.
My friends took it as a “watch where you’re going, sorry not sorry, get outta the way!” type of gesture.
I took it as an “sorry, my bad,” gesture.
Guess what? It doesn’t matter. Because I’m never going to see that girl again, and if I somehow do, I will not have an ounce of resentment in my body for her. That was kind of a moment it clicked for me:
Your life is going to be filled with moments of mistakes, annoyances, and a million other things that are not actively malicious or out to get you, and it is your job to take them as they are and let them continue to be lightly unpleasant at worst, and completely insignificant at best.
I’ve decided I don’t have time to get annoyed and judgy about every person I meet. I just don’t. But I have plenty of time to try and read the pins on the backpack of the girl walking in front of me. I’ve got more than enough to just lightly think about how cute that other girl’s outfit is.
It’s not even going as far as complimenting strangers, or even smiling at them. The paradigm shift when it comes to re-training your brain out of cynicism starts purely with thinking NON-malicious and angry thoughts.
I don’t know. Does that make any sense?
I hear a lot of what I’m trying to do is known as “Steelmanning”, (I think that’s how you say it?) But I can only try to (in my human, flawed way) articulate this bigger picture that’s been swimming in my head, pretty much to no avail. Take this as you will! I hope you take it pleasantly.
Oh, and here’s the article, if you’d like to read it: (downloadable, because it’s hidden behind a paywall otherwise.)
January 16, 2024
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