I’ve been thinking a lot about myself lately (wow, okay egomaniac) and the way I’ve turned out. We’ll be generous with the phrase “turned out,” since I think 20 years old is a bit early to call it. But I’m thinking more about little 5-year-old Anna and 8-year-old Anna, and what they’d think of 20-year-old Anna.
Little Anna was a sight to behold!
A tangle of long blonde (often braided) hair and baggy shorts, obsessed with wearing a bandanna like the boy scouts did, covered in scrapes and bandaids and dirt. Little Anna liked escaping the school grounds at recess and crawling under a hole in the fence of the orchard next door, and feeding bits of grass to the cows and horses that grazed there. (She only got caught when one of her escapades ended in scraping her back on the fence hole and bleeding through her shirt.)
Little Anna had a bandaid slapped onto her face right by her eye because she thought it was a good idea to play Poison Log in the mall while Mom was changing, and promptly rolled right into the corner of a shelf. (I've still got that scar, by the way.)
Little Anna thought that there was nothing in the world cooler than the thought of owning a dog, and had fantasies of bringing a puppy to school in her backpack.
Little Anna liked jewelry ("joolee!") and would wear plastic-bead bracelets up to her elbows.
Little Anna would listen to a CD called "Teaching Your Children To Fly" religiously, and think very seriously about a future of making her own sandwiches and scheduling her own appointments.
Little Anna thought that having pierced ears basically made you a grownup, and liked the idea of having earrings shaped like animals, and quietly coveted shiny silver hoop earrings, but would never admit it out loud because Little Anna was a little bit allergic to things that were too feminine.
Little Anna would have lived at the Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum if she could.
Little Anna spent her time in Washington gleefully splashing through the tide and sandbars with her rainboots, setting up "traps" for squirrels, and bouncing up and down on the docks watching seals and jellyfish.
Little Anna spent her time in Utah running about barefoot, watching deer prance through the backyard, and getting sap on her hands because she wouldn't stop climbing the rope bolted into the pine tree out back, even though it burned her fingers and she'd been asked not to a million times.
Little Anna devoured books at a truly alarming rate, and demanded a new list of titles at the library pretty much every week.
Little Anna rode horses and drew horses and lived and breathed dragons for everything, except when owls were an option.
Little Anna discovered poetry one day, and was addicted to it forever. She wrote poems about road trips and sea serpents and everything she could think about, which was a lot.
Simply put, Little Anna was a pretty tough act to follow.
So in a lot of ways, Teenage Anna (better known as Middle School Anna) pretty much didn’t follow it.
Teenage Anna (ages 12–15) was a miserable little girl sometimes.
Teenage Anna was still a tangle of blonde hair, but always trimmed to the same length, just level with her t-shirt sleeves. But the hair was always greasy and stuck to her forehead, because Teenage Anna couldn't muster up the energy to wash it.
Teenage Anna mostly wore hoodies, and pretty much nothing else.
Teenage Anna got lost into the world of the internet, and spent her time watching cartoons and ignoring the outside world as much as possible.
Teenage Anna followed her friends around like a lost puppy, and wasn't really sure what to do when they did things that she didn't want to do. Mostly she sat on the couch and watched them hang out.
Teenage Anna quit basketball because she didn't like being watched, and then quit volleyball because she was sad.
Teenage Anna snapped at her family a lot, and got a reputation for being grumpy and no fun at all.
Teenage Anna still wrote poetry, but much angstier and often torn up right afterward.
Here's the thing, though: I don't blame her one bit. Teenage Anna was also fighting the hardest battle of her life, and wasn't doing anything dumb on purpose. I don't hate her at all! Teenage Anna was the byproduct of putting all resources into survival. That's okay by me.
So, here we are. Adult Anna (and let's be clear, Adult is a pretty generous term.)
Adult Anna is still blonde (kind of, it's far darker than it was as a kid.) and still quite enjoys baggy shorts, especially if stripes are involved.
Adult Anna's hair is much much shorter than it ever was as a kid or a teen, because Adult Anna discovered how much she enjoys having hair that blows around in the wind and puffs up around her shoulders.
Adult Anna has a truly impressive collection of graphic tees that would make Little Anna's mouth water---so many dinosaurs and fun colors and fonts!
Adult Anna got her ears pierced and wears earrings shaped like animals, and wears the silver hoops too, because life's too short to be allergic to fun things like femininity. She's even got two ear cuffs for good measure.
Adult Anna is still covered in scrapes and cuts, but usually thanks to bumping into doorways she didn't quite see or slipping up when she collapses cardboard boxes.
Adult Anna doesn't need to "escape" the school grounds now---she still finds plenty of animals on campus, and has befriended many an urban deer.
Adult Anna has a scar from the poison log incident, and it makes that side of her face crinkle up a little more when she smiles, which is alright by her.
Adult Anna still thinks there's nothing cooler in the world than owning a dog, but it's even better now because she's got one.
Adult Anna has in fact snuck that dog into school multiple times, and into her apartment more than that.
Adult Anna likes jewelry the same as before---she's got earrings and necklaces and lots of rings. She's not allergic to femininity and loves painting her nails.
Adult Anna managed to fly, at least a little bit, and makes her own sandwiches and makes a lot of her own appointments, and does her own laundry like she always said she would.
Adult Anna still could live at the Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum if they'd let her, because the dinosaur thing has pretty much only gotten worse with time.
Adult Anna is back to being active as much as she can, and goes on bike rides and walks and hikes and works out at the gym and would rather die than stop moving.
Adult Anna still watches cartoons, but only when there's nothing to ignore.
Adult Anna hasn't given up on poetry in the slightest, and thinks it'll probably flow out of her hands 'til the day she dies.
But mostly, Adult Anna looks back at the Annas from before and hopes that she thinks she's cool.
In a lot of ways, Adult Anna has grown into the very sort of person she always admired as a kid. That's a pretty wonderful thing, I think.
Below is evidence of Little Anna, Teenage Anna, and Adult Anna.
Or, to sum up in far fewer words:
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