Well. Normally summertime is a fun time filled with friend hangouts, nice weather, and the peak of my exercise life.
We’re still in June and I’ve been kind of wrecked.
The air conditioning in my house is broken right now. So for reference, the coolest it’s been in there since we’ve entered our swamp era is like 80 degrees, usually 83 or even 84. To say that I’m sweaty all the time would be an understatement—I’ve perfected my impression of the saddest, wettest little seal.
Anyway. I also didn’t end up being able to be roommates with my good friend, and the house we were looking at didn’t pan out for either of us regardless. So I’ve still got no future housing in store, despite looking every day. That frustrates me, because I hate waiting for things, especially when even trying to find housing feels like procrastinating.
As for the biggest crusher, yesterday I finally got my results for whether or not I got into the animation program.
…I didn’t. On a random Tuesday at 2 pm, I was informed that I was not accepted into the program.
I won’t lie, I cried. Like twice. Once when I got home and had to inform mom that I didn’t make it, and again when everyone else got home from their lunch outing and I got to repeat myself.
So…let’s just say my “saddest wettest seal” impression got a whole lot more accurate after that.
I’ve been feeling kind of defeated for a while this year anyway. I’ve been so exhausted all the time, and it feels like my frustrations are mounting, all the while Life adds another branch to the stick they’re whacking me with. I think I’ve done a subpar job at hiding this frustration and the restlessness it’s caused, and it’s certainly been a moment of weakness in how I treat others. Normally I’m a lot nicer. I’ve been sucky and low-energy to a lot of people who don’t deserve it.
But wait–let’s not leave it there.
I’m not in the business of throwing myself a pity party. It sucks, yeah, but I’d deserve all that heartbreak if I didn’t acknowledge that there has been some serious good in my life lately too. I’m more than happy to talk about that as well.
The first one being that my new job has been one of the best things I could have ever lucked into. I’m doing graphic design with tons of creative freedom. All of my coworkers and bosses have been absolutely delightful people who are super pleasant and downright loving since the moment I started working here. I can’t count the number of times people have offered me things like taking me to Sam’s Club so I could use their membership, offering me a place to stay when my entire family goes out of town except for me, buying me snacks and treats after I came back to work from my impromptu bee allergy, and more. When I was bone tired and working on my portfolio, Laura (who has more or less adopted me since I started here and has a family similar to my own) straight up told me that my portfolio was more important than my job and that I would be free to take days off to work on it if I so chose.
I’m being paid a very generous wage for my work, they are super gracious about my hours and working around my schedule, and I feel very wanted and liked here.
So that’s the first victory–the best job I’ve ever had.
The second victory would be the absolute joy that has been reconnecting with an old friend. Bella and I were friends as kids, and then for a plethora of stupid reasons including my own depression, we didn’t really ever hang out in middle or high school.
But now, she and I are basically the only two people in our age group still in the neighborhood (everyone else is on a mission), and we are finally catching up on lost time! The thing about Bella is that she’s super fun to be around, super nice, and one of the only people I know who likes to run with the insane bit I start doing instead of getting confused.
She’s invited me ziplining. (Which I’m terrified of, but I would rather die on a zipline than not be friends with Bella). You know who does that? An awesome friend who wants to share cool experiences. Bella, if you ever find this blog and find this post, just know that you’re super rad. I’ve always thought so and you’ve never disappointed.
That’s the second victory–a second chance with an awesome friend.
The third victory would be that on Friday I get to go up to Salt Lake and be a featured artist in an art show! The triptych I put in the Springville Art Museum my senior year of high school got picked to be part of a traveling show that’s been toured all around Utah for the entire year. This week, the show hits its final stop in Salt Lake. I get to go meet some cool artists, talk about my art, and be recognized for what I’ve made! I think that’s pretty cool. And it’s a nice little patch on the wound of my art confidence.
Honestly, especially in the wake of the animation rejection, it’s a good reminder that I can and will make art that speaks to people, animation or not.
So that’s the third victory–a reminder that I make worthwhile art.
Fourth, a video game I’ve always enjoyed watching but never been able to play has arrived as a featured game on the xbox game pass, which Dad bought earlier this summer. So not only do I finally get to play it, I get to play it with Lucy! (It’s The Quarry, by the way.)
So there’s a small fourth victory for you–more time with Lucy.
Fifth and finally (for now), Izzy offered to go get boba today, her treat. Izzy was the light in the darkness of a stupid, stupid year of college. She was the only roommate (until the arrival of Ava 2/3rds of the year later) who actively wanted to be my friend, and I was delighted. She’s clever, kind, and always has an interesting conversation at the ready. That’s why I was so determined to be her roommate. And while that didn’t work out, we certainly aren’t going to stop being friends because of that. It makes me feel very loved to know that within a day of learning I didn’t get into the program or the house we wanted, Izzy’s next course of action was to hang out with me and make me feel better.
There’s your fifth victory—an excellent friend.
So…how are you feeling?
Honestly? I’m still stung. I think I’m allowed to be a little bummed by everything that happened. But also, and far more importantly, I’m okay. I’m really okay.
The world didn’t end. I’ve got some really great friends, family, and even a stellar work environment (and you KNOW how hard those are to come by!)
I can suffer some blows to my self esteem here and there; it keeps me humble. What’s the horrible fate that the rest of my summer has resigned me to?
Knowing.
I’m not on tenterhooks waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know where I’m at. And now I can work towards what I want next, and enjoy a summer with people I love to boot.
I think that’s pretty great, all things considered.
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