Sobig

In the past 5 days I have probably received 50 or 60 emails with the Sobig Virus. My primary computer is a Mac, and I also have a Windows 2000 box that is fully patched, sitting behind a firewall, and running an updated anti-virus program. So I haven’t been hurt by this other than being extremely tired of deleting junk from my inbox. However, for a lot of people this has been a serious pain, and cost businesses a lot of money.

So then, a reminder to all you hackers (aka worthless pieces of crap):

Work on your hygiene, or basic social skills. Girls are not impressed by your virus writing!

Also, if you got a virus laden email from this domain (and I know several people did) it was not actually sent from my email address. Hackers (aka worthless pieces of crap) are spoofing my address, and a billion others.

Shareholders’ Report

As of August 2nd, Amishrobot.com has been around for two years. Actually the real anniversary was probably last month some time, but August 02, 2001 is the date of the first post on the site.

As a courtesy to Amishcorp™ stockholders, a two-year report:

Amishrobot.com and affiliates

Amishrobot.com Entries: 104 Comments: 409

Amishrobot.com/reese Entries: 25 Comments: 43

Amishrobot.com/prof Entries: 11 Comments: 26

Amishrobot.com/joe Entries: 68 Comments: 155

Amishrobot.com/recipes Entries: 10 Comments: 2

Key Statistics Since Sep 2002:

Visits: 28,689 Pages served: 102,685 KBytes served: 3,114,532

Google Search Terms That Have Brought People to Amishrobot.com

==

Chinese Hackers Go To Hell!
Summer Goth
you’re not punk
faux hawks
printing press photos
this is the way the world ends not with a bang but a whimper
colgate mr beaver
freedom kissing
annoying commercials carl’s jr

==

Growth chart

yearly report

As you can see there is a strong growth trend, especially over the past 6 months. In July alone there were 6000 visits, compared to a previous high of 4500. Amishcorp’s™ business model seems recession-proof.* Your investment is safe with us.

*We do have to admit that not a single person has purchased an album through our brilliant “Currently Listening To” amazon affiliate scheme, but it has only been in place a couple of weeks and our music taste does lean towards the obscure.

OK, we also have to admit that no one has purchased anything off our wishlist either>. We are, however, in the process of implementing a tall-person dating service which is sure to make money. They only thing slowing us down is that all our tall friends are married. We are currently attempting to make more tall friends.

Guess What’s For Dessert!

I stopped by the grocery store on my way home from work today. The lady in line in front of me had an unusual assortment of groceries. These are the exact items that were in her cart, no more no less.

6-1 qt. jars of pickles 2-chocolate fudge brownie mixes 1-box golden grahams cereal 1-small plain milk “chug” 16-candybars (mostly Baby Ruth and Nestle Crunch)

Can someone please tell me what she was going to make?!

Things fall Apart

This entire post is copyrighted,trademarked, stealing verboden. Thank you.

Adrienne and I passed an abandoned house the other day. It couldn’t have been more than 60 years-old. It was off the side of the freeway, in a stand of trees. the roof had collapsed in some parts, but the walls looked fairly sound. The windows were all broken.

It got me thinking. What would the world look like 100, 200, 500 years from now if all the humans were instantly removed?©™

In 100 years with absolutely no upkeep how many homes would still stand? I imagine most, but I wonder. In the U.S. homes aren’t built to last more than 50 years. In 200 years or 500 how many would still be standing? I am guessing that Las Vegas would be perfectly preserved like some kind of sprawling city-mummy. I am sure you could go to the Belagio and see the art a thousand years from now.

If lightening hit a house or apartment and there was no one around to put it out, how many more would burn? Would huge chunks of cities burn to the ground? What about earthquakes and tornados, hurricanes? How long would it take for some large cities to be leveled? How long would it take the earth to completely wipe away any trace of us?

What would the highways and streets look like? Would the freeze-thaw cycle crack them and let trees and grasses grow over them? For how long would their still be huge swaths of concrete and asphalt across the nation?

How tall would my lawn get? How long before native grasses replaced my non-native grasses’ thirsty blades? What about non-native plants like kudzu vine? I suspect that the U.S would be covered about 10 feet deep in it.

What would the sky look like? Just how clear could the sky get? What would it smell like? I think I know, it isn’t like I haven’t ever been anywhere remote, but how tainted are those areas? Do they just look pristine by comparison?

Would the weather change much?

What would happen with the animals? If I came back and looked in 200 years would there be huge herds of deer in my neighborhood? Would the salmon quadruple in size (Not the salmon in my neighborhood)?

You see where I am going here people.

What I want is for the Discovery channel to make a show about this. OK, let me clarify that. What I want is for the Discovery channel to pay me for my idea©, and then make a show about this.

I would love it if they got experts in different fields to theorize about how things would change. Engineers to tell us what cities might look like. Wildlife biologists to theorize about the enormous packs of wild german shepherds roaming the land….

Then, of course, I would want a couple of hours of incredible computer graphics to show me just what all of this would look like.

Come on Discovery Channel, you know you want to pay me for this idea!

How do you, dear readers, think things would change?

Radio Silence

Amish Radio is broadcasting once again!

Due to a screw-up by GoDaddy my domain was expired in their records. This took amishrobot down for several days.

If you have sent me an email in the past 5 days, I did not receive it.

Godaddy customer support was less than helpful. They basically said, “We screwed up. We are going to try to fix it, but we have no idea how long that will take”.

After 4 days I decided to take things into my own hands. I found the CEO’s email address last night and wrote him a little letter. This morning there was a response “from the office of the President”, “We apologize for the inconvenience. the problem is now fixed”. They also extended my domain registration for another year for free.

Now, after that little break I have a bunch of stuff that I have been wanting to write. Something about it being 3:20 am is making me feel tired though.

You are welcome

2 links that will, no doubt, bring you great joy. Unless you are somehow averse to enjoying anything. In that case, please leave.

First, the greatest product review ever written. I defy you to read this and not want to buy a Mojo Mango.

“But dang, man. Why did I even doubt. The good people at Fuze just get me, on a deep and wonderful emotional level. They make products that say: “Here. Here is the beauty you dream about every night but forget each morning with the rising of the sun. You forget because the dream is too lovely, and life is so painful. Wandering in the harsh light of day, searching for a flavor that only existed in your dreams, your soul would be torn asunder. But here. It is a new day. Come into our arms and let us hold you and rock you and slowly sing you awake.”

And second, courtesy of John, patterns you can print out to make little paper robots!

How About a Book on Hypocrisy?

Every tuesday I do usability testing at work from 8am—5pm, with a one hour break for lunch. Eight people come in for about one hour each. they often come late which drives me crazy since it can cause a lateness domino-effect.

Yesterday a lady came in twenty minutes late. I was annoyed, but she looked completely frazzled, so I asked her what had happened. It turned out that one of our employees had given her slightly confusing directions and she, already being slightly confused in general, ended up driving around in circles for twenty minutes. I tried to calm her down, and told her not to worry about it, but she was still upset.

“I HATE that girl that gave me directions!”, she practically spat as we walked to the lab.

I start out each test by getting background information from the person. I asked her what her occupation was, and then tried not to laugh as she said, “I am an author. I write religious books. My last book was about forgiving people.”

We Have the Technology

I am watching Ripley’s Believe it or Not! (only the highest quality for me) and they are going to drop the world’s largest rubber band ball from an airplane over the mojave desert (I am no physicist, but I think it is obvious that the ball will bounce back up and destroy the airplane. This is going to be amazing!).

Brilliant! Why don’t we do more things like this?! We have the desert; we have the technology!

There are all sorts of things that we could be dropping from airplanes. What happens when you drop the world’s largest batch of Jello™ from an airplane? No one knows.

Where are all the scientists?!

<update> Midnight: Yes, 45 minutes of build up before they dropped the thing.

Defying all laws of nature, and boring me to tears, the rubber band ball did not bounce up and destroy the plane that dropped it. Instead it just left a big crater and broke apart. </update>

Is This So Wrong?

I want to get a food handler’s permit and then go to the grocery store and paw through all of the produce–touch each and every last apple. Open up packages of ground beef and make little sculptures out of them. Stir my hands elbow-deep through the big bins of candy.

Then when a manager comes to stop me I will show them my permit and say, “It’s OK, I am authorized to do this!”

Adrienne

This morning I came into work and checked a voicemail that I hadn’t noticed before I left yesterday. It was my wife, Adrienne. The interesting thing about an Adrienne voicemail is that it never sounds like a recording. I always forget it is a message and can barely stop myself from saying, “Bye, I love you” at the end of it.

That is what she is like. She is always “real”–even on voicemail.

When people talk to her they open up immediately. I know people have told her things after knowing her for 10 minutes that they haven’t told anyone before. You can trust her and it is obvious. If she doesn’t like you she can’t hide it. She is a terrible liar. If she does like you, and this is almost always the case, you will know it. She can’t hide that either.

We have been married 5 years today. In fact, I think it was right about this time that we were walking out of the Los Angeles LDS (Mormon) temple, having just been married for time and eternity.

5 years later and I am still saying “I love you” to her voicemail.

They aren’t a lot of things in life where I can look back and say, “I am positive I made the perfect decision”. Marrying Adrienne, however, I have no regrets about. That was the perfect decision.

Mellow Sonic Wall

I have been using Kung-tunes (and Kung-Log) for a while now. Great little applications made by Adriaan of Kung-foo.tv (I still owe you some $ Adriaan).

On my homepage you can look over to the right and see what song I am currently listening to, and if you click the link below that you can see the last 10 songs I have listened to. Let’s be honest, you love this.

During work hours you are likely to see a very mellow assortment. I put on my headphones and listen to some of my playlists like “Mellow Sonic Wall” or “Dinner” (Lots of stuff like Yo La Tengo and the Sea and Cake, yes Josh, maybe even Coastal…) unless I am pissed at someone at work. Then I might listen to mixes like “Themes for an Ultimate and Inevitable Confrontation”, or “Eve of Destruction” (The Clash, Fugazi, Rancid…).

I just looked out the window at the street below and watched an old lady slow to 1mph about half a mile from the right-hand turn she was preparing to make. I was so infuriated that I had to switch from Pedro the Lion to Guitar Wolf. Almost as dangerous of a move as her driving.

So then, what are you listening to?


P.S. If you ever need mix-making help, Bill Keaggy is there for you.

Get Me Away From Here I’m Dying

I was doing some computer spring cleaning and I stumbled on some photos from when Adrienne and I went to Europe. I really wish we could go back, I feel almost homesick when I see these. Maybe it is ancestral-homesickness.

We spent a lot of time in Basel Switzerland visiting John and Pam, spent time in the alps, made a brief trip into Germany and visited the Vitra Design museum, and spent 3 days in Paris (Where, and I hate to admit this, everyone was very nice to us).

I need a vacation bad.

Living in a Republican’s paradise

From a chat with Dad, who is in California:

Dad: I am pleased, just got a 15 yr old car smogged Me: Well I just got a 20 year old car smogged Me: though I am in utah Me: and I could smog a coal-burning train here.

Strep Update

First: I am conquering strep throat through sheer force of will. I predict total recovery in two days (we are not going to talk about how I am starting to cough and be congested).

Second: I am watching Ronin on tv. It is now obvious that I need to move to Europe and drive a BMW as fast as I can through narrow streets.

Third: This is what you would see if you were looking at my computer. If you were very clever you would recognize the wood pattern and entire concept as being stolen from some desktop on k10k.net. This, however would not lessen your enjoyment of my beautiful desktop.

Strep Experiment

I am pretty sure I have strep throat. I felt great until last night when I started getting a sore throat. Then this morning at 4am I woke up because my throat hurt so bad. Checked in the mirror and saw the tell-tale white spots. Then went back to bed and crashed until 11.

I missed the 12 ‘o’ clock cutoff for getting to the doctor on a saturday so I have decided to conduct an experiment. I am going to cure my strep throat for sheer force of will.

I will keep you posted on my progress towards inevitable victory.

Bring the Noise!

One challenge of working form home is not being distracted by the supernaturally cute Reese or the incredibly creepy transparent guy on tv.

Blackhole media to the rescue! I am using their free “pink” noise generator, appropriately called Noise. It took a second to get used to the static sounds, but now I am working away in distraction free bliss (Well, other than distracting myself by writing this post).

According to them, pink noise is “Also known as a signal with even power distribution on a logarithmic frequency scale, pink noise masks background noise to help you concentrate”. The app has two modes, white noise and pink noise. The pink noise is a lot more effective at blocking out background distractions.

If you use OS X I recommend you download it.