The Bachelor
Adrienne and Reese are out of town for a week, leaving me to my own devices. My devices are apparently very very very boring. I have spent a lot of time sitting in my underwear eating cold cereal and watching TV.
Last night Adrienne’s sister Elaine was very kind and invited me over for dinner. She and her friends were very understanding in letting Old Lonely Guy (me) hang out with them and avoid going to my too-quiet house.
Tonight I decided to go to the bookstore because I actually caught myself watching Boston Public. Either Boston Public is slightly unrealistic, or my own high school experience was drastically lacking in spontaneous freestyle rapping about the works of Shakespeare (I have a hunch it was just my lame school).
I picked up a book while I was there. Jeffery Zeldman’s Designing With Web Standards, which I am sure is going to be great.
As I waited in the checkout line a middle aged goateed man in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts asked if I was the last person in line. I said I was and he stepped in line behind me. There was only one register open, and the couple at the register was, I believe, attempting to set the Guinness record for Indecisive and Slow Purchasing While Forcing Mindless Banter on The Cashier.
The guy behind me had enough and said, “Could you please call another cashier up here, I have a movie to be at in eight minutes!” Slow Couple finished before the second cashier arrived, so I turned to the guy and said, “I don’t have anywhere I have to be, why don’t you go ahead of me”. He said, ‘That is very kind of you, thank you very much”.
He made his purchase and left. As I bought my book one cashier turned to the other and said excitedly, “Do you know who that was?! That was Orson Scott Card!” I am curious how Mr. Card is going to reward me for my generosity. It seems likely that he will mail me a check for an obscene amount of money.
Now, since it is 10:30pm and I just realized I haven’t eaten any dinner, I think I will go pour myself another bowl of Cap’n Crunch.
I miss you! Reese misses you! But at least you got to meet Orson Scott Card. That never would have happened if we were there. By the way, when are you going to start going by your full name? So people will say, “I miss Joshua Reese Penrod.” Things like that. It’s far more professional than just Josh Penrod–it sounds more famous. You should consider it.
Let’s tell the truth now Joshua Reese Penrod. You were not purchasing any sort of web design book but rather a copy of “A Viewer’s Guide to Boston Public: How Does This Principal Not Get Fired (and the director too)”, along with an issue of Maxim. By the way, I got to see “When Justin Met Kelley” in time, I wish you hadn’t let me in front of you.
I believe he will reward you by making you some sort of leafy green wavery character in his next book — watch for one called Josh (let me know cuz I doubt I’ll be reading it)
Ok Josh this whole thing just got too weird for me. I feel like I have wandered into another dimension. The eerie thing is I think I almost believe that that last communication was real (and if so how did that happen?)Whats next, Hugh Nibley?
If by “last communication” you are refering to the comment by “Orson Scott Card” that is just my friend Rob. An impressive fellow in his own right, but not actually Orson Scott card.
Well, is he at least hugh Nibley?
I think is quite uncanny that you also judge your boredom by being subjected to Boston Public. I cannot tell you how many times I have flipped through the channels – settled on “BP” and then immediately ran screaming out of the house dragging my family to a book store or scenic park. Man that show is horrible.
I don’ t even know what Boston Public is, ( I mean, I know now, but not before.) In Texas, if you don’t pay the 30 000 pieces of gold for cable, you are left with Fox News, The American Governments officially favorite news net. It always gives me the warm fuzzies when the government commends them on their propriety, and then the personalities have this childlike smile like, aww shucks. I do know a little about being left alone by the wife, when she left my Boston Public was Amish Robot, and I constantly viewed it during insomnia, posting constantly etc. Once I saw Arnold Swarzenegger in the middle of a carwash and I thought he was going to come back and give us all like thousand pieces of gold, but he didn’t, it was all so weird. He’s such a cheap skate. That never happened, it was a total lie because I’m jealous of Josh’s more exiting life. Not only is he the creator/maestro of the blog I read when I’m bored, but he runs into bigwigs like Orson Scott Card. I feel so lame, like I’m teetering on the verge of becoming some psychotic stalker… pasting images on the wall, writing songs repeating his name, making synthetic masks that look just like him, hanging on the swingset so that I gain 4 1/2 inches like Bobby did on the Brady Bunch so that I’d be taller like Josh… etc etc. That actually sounds pretty exiting, but hard work, I think I’ll just stay boring and obsessed. Nevermind, I didn’t say any of this.
Ho Amish robot! Maybe he will write you into one of his many spinoffs of Enders game. You might be that little mentioned lad in his squad at comander school who had a whole different perspective. What does a guy like that buy at a book store? Curious. Dave, I will be getting endless documents from Arnold should he be voted governor. Now there is excitement.
whoops. Maybe I should read All the postings before I write next time. Sorry John. Dave, your life is plenty exciting- what about the time you slid down a mountain, losing your watch and somehow finding a pocket knife?
I saw that Boston Public episode too. Adrienne and Reese should come home, because the world is going to pot without them. Everyone is watching Boston Public.
i think Orson Scott Card should write a book entitiled “Josh’s Game” where josh, being a kid unlike ender, ends up creating a weblog with a fake name propelling him foreward in politics and landing him a seat in a very prosperous position. Wait, that was enders game
If it was me I’d want Good ol’ Uncle Orson to add me as a character in the Tales of Alvin Maker series and give me a cool knack. Josh could be a colorful newspaper publisher with a knack for taking interesting pictures, and using photoshop to make them MORE interesting.
If it was me I would have Orson Scott (his close friends call him that) write me into Ender’s game as Ender’s sidekick, relieving some of the stuffy tension that underlines the entire story. He always has funny things to say, that are funny to us because we’re smarter. You know, the guy who doesn’t even get his own joke? And he also burps and farts at the perfect moment. Like Ender has a big argument with one of his superiers, and Ender stomps out of the room. In the prevailing awkward silence, his sidekick lets out a belch. He can never understand or pronounce Ender’s words because they are too complex. Like when Ender is talking about ions, the sidekick thinks that he’s talking about pylons, and buys him one for his birthday. Ender’s game was so close to perfection, if Orson Scott would add this one detail, Ender’s Game would have been issued a place in SciFi annals for many generations. Orson Scott, if you’re out there, I’m pleased to offer you this idea and claim it as your own.
The movie that Orson Scott Card was going to see was Dickie Roberts.
How do I know this? Because in his latest review column, he mentions that he saw Dickie Roberts on Friday night in Utah. Since the column was published on Thursday, Sep. 11, that would mean it was Friday, Sep. 5 — the very night of this incident.
See http://www.rhinotimes.com/greensboro/osc1.html. (If it’s not there any more, then you can find it at http://www.hatrack.com/osc/reviews/everything/index2003.shtml)
When are you going to open a detective agency?!
And can you get him to hurry up with that check?