Dear Penrod Company

From: josh Date: Wed Aug 13, 2003 11:17:55 AM US/Mountain To: buzz.heidt@thepenrodcompany.com Subject: Corporate Figurehead Position

Dear Buzz Heidt, President of The Penrod Company

After looking at your board of directors on your website I notice there are no Penrods. The Penrod Corporation without a Penrod is like KFC without the Colonel (I am of course referring to the old Colonel, not the new “funkified” Colonel, who they may in fact be better off without). You are in luck. I am a Penrod, I will be your Colonel. Once again the Penrod Corporation can stand proud with a Penrod corporate figurehead.

I look terrific in a suit. I am 6’6“, and in a suit I am a commanding presence. I would be willing to wear a white Colonel-Sanders suit if you would like. In fact, I would prefer that. Imagine me marching about shouting orders in a white suit. I might occasionally bellow and wave my arms (while still looking very dignified). I think you are seeing the vision now.

An added bonus is that I am a twin. My brother and I could make simultaneous appearances. While he was visiting the factory in Virginia, I could be on the French Riviera. Also, in dangerous situations, firing unstable people for example, Joe demands to take my place. He prefers not to talk about this so don’t pester him with the details, just send him instead of me.

I am not really sure what the going rate for a corporate figurehead is, but I trust you will make a fair offer and that it will, of course, include a private helicopter.

Looking forward to hearing from you, ”Colonel“ Josh Penrod

PS. I have to say that I think you have gotten as far as you have with no corporate figurehead based on the strength of your name. Buzz Heidt. That is a powerful CEO name. Kudos.

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Josh

Amishrobot is a website by Josh Penrod, a User Experience and Product guy who can't be bothered to use any of his UX knowledge on his own site. More about me

13 thoughts on “Dear Penrod Company”

  1. I’ve got a question:

    Did you name yourself Buzz after the sound made by your PC after trying to access personal info or after the sound made by the intricate wiring of your brain cells? Just curious.

  2. If all else fails, they have an opening in their Metal Products Sales Department for Customer Service.

    I think you’re pretty computer literate and you seem to have good oral and written skills. You’re a shoe-in! I bet they’ll even let you wear that white suit and black ribbon tie on the job. If there’s an employee discount, just think of all the metal products you could own, Colonel Penrod!

  3. I know this is off the subject, but why would you “below” and wave your arms? Is below a verb in this context? Back to the subject: are you certain that they do not make long, straight, metal rods for use in ink pens? Or they could broker the sale of rods made from different materials, for use in making animal pens. So the name could be very pragmatic. Maybe they sell hotrods that drive only on peninsulas and they combined the names to make Penrod. But you may be correct that the corporation gets its name from a proper noun. Maybe the original owner’s name was Douglas Penro, but he always prefered to go by Penro D. When he started his own company Penrod was a logical choice.

  4. The original predecessor company to Penrod was organized as Penrod, Wood & Company in 1888 in Wabash, Indiana. The founder, Mr. John Noble Penrod, a native of Silver Lake, Indiana, was an industry progressive and was heralded as the “Walnut King” at his death in 1925.
  5. Oh, Josh, you really need to knuckle down and ask yourself the important questions before you send off a brilliant letter such as that, I mean, can you really live up to the title of “Walnut King?”

    Naturally, you have nothing but my surest confidences. And I can only hope that in the instance of some sort of world-wide-webical crossfire they call on the aid of your Internet Super Twin, rather than your genetic doppelganger. Oh what a grevious error that would be.

  6. I think you may have made a grave error in bringing Joe in to the picture. Joe is actually working in the ‘wood products’ industry and may be seen by Buzz as a more natural fit, leaving you the task of firing unstable employees and emptying the spitoons from the board room.

    Good luck in your endeavor.

  7. It seems to me, the real obstacle to finding successful employment as a corporate figurehead is your location. The Penrod Corp does not need a figurehead in Utah, or even in Virgina. They need a figurehead who lives and “works” (wink wink) in the Cayman Islands. That way you get fun in the sun and they get millions in tax savings! That is a win win. They can keep Joe around for public appearences, handling firings, testifying before Congress, and serving hard time in federal prison on corporate tax evasion charges. I really see no downside

  8. Jory, I take offense at your implication that I would not be able to handle a world-wide web emergency. I’ll have you know that I am fairly capable of using even the most complicated email functions. Would you like me to “reply” to a message? I can do it. Can you send an attachment ,you ask, sure, (most of the time). I think you recognize your mistake here. Now, surprisingly the Penrod company is actually a client of my current employer. I may have some pull with them to get you (us) the job. Or, maybe I’ll apply for that position Chris posted, rise through the Penrod ranks, and as ceo create your desired figure-head position….and give it to my son.

  9. Very well, Joe, very well.

    Go ahead Josh, appoint Joe to take the fall in an intarnet emergency! BUT OH! When they need a BMW Alpina Roadster rendered in lightening speed! OH! We’ll see who comes crawling back!

    (Hint: It will not be me!)

    (Hint: IT WILL BE YOU!)

    Wouldn’t it be funny to have a comments blog? Like, and have the entry in the comments window!? Trendsetter! The internet would crack!

  10. I have to say that Colonel Penrod may be a good choice. But no other Penrod has the Walnuts that King Penrod…aka Brother Rich has. While Josh will below…I am certain to occaisionally bellow belicose remarks. If there is a 6 figure salary with no decimal points to the left of the last numeral-I am your man.

    (Josh you really will have to screen these comments now that I am writing…I believe a sophisticated filter such as Diatomaceous Earth coating a polypropylene web flushed with chlorinated water may be appropriate.)

  11. I worked for the Penrod Company. I enjoyed every moment of woring with them. They are a wonderful company, and hope that one day I may be involved with such a company again…..

    I miss you all and wish you all the best….

    Chris…Bobbi…thank you for bearing with me… yes i am better, and appreiate your help

  12. I worked for the Penrod Company. I enjoyed every moment of working with them. They are a wonderful company, and hope that one day I may be involved with such a company again…..

    I miss you all and wish you all the best….

    Chris…Bobbi…thank you for bearing with me… yes i am better, and appreiate your help

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