I am a scientist

A friend told me about when he was a kid, he and a friend came across another kid who was pulling a dead cat out of a ditch, they asked what he was doing and he replied in a robotic monotone, “I am a scientist!”

I am scientist too. I like to know distances, speeds, heart-rates, and temperatures (I even have a light switch with a thermometer built-in installed in my garage.)

So being horribly sick these past couple of days has been pretty great. I have gotten to check my temperature every couple of hours (102 degrees most of yesterday, dropping to closer to normal today). The other night I puked violently for 10 minutes, and imagine my luck, I threw-up into a bowl with measurements on it!

12 cups! Is that a record?

18 responses for I am a scientist

  1. john says:

    In an ill-fated attempt to win accolades and honors josh has confused great amounts of puking with actual skills and abilities. Telling us he puked 12 cups, read the post carefully, he was running a high fever — delirious no doubt — my guess is it was 12 oz. Or judging from some of his other posts (and dreams he’s related to me) — he could easily have dreamed the whole thing! (win any $5k contests lately josh? ;) )

  2. Josh says:

    I looked it up, the average human stomach capacity is 4 cups and yet I puked 12 cups.

    Bow to my superior stomach capacity!

    I have the tupperware bowl to prove it. I wish this was just a dream. When I woke up from the dream about winning the money I had nothing. I had a tupperware full of 12 cups of puke after this.!

  3. joe says:

    I knew this kid we called “elder scientifico” in Houston. He used to drop a piece of paper to the floor 100 time in a row to see if it fell in the same way. He also chewed his toenails. You scientists have all the fun.

  4. Josh says:

    I just got a phone call. It seems that some friends who read the site have been conducting experiments of thier own.

    They are trying to drink 12 cups of water. One kid threw up at 6 cups, but it seems that at least one has succeeded.

    As commendable as that is, I have to tell you that my 12 cups included a pastrami burger (which I will never eat again), not just wimpy water!

  5. Dan says:

    Speaking of the virtues of science, there’s a great quote on a professor’s door at school, to the effect of: “As a child I longed for truth and certainty, so I became a scientist. That’s like becoming an archbishop to meet girls.”

    In any case, I bet this guy can outpuke you any day of the week.

  6. old prof says:

    I’ve been giving this a lot of thought Josh. In fact I can’t get it out of my mind. I think I have found the solution. I dont think its possible to consume 12 cups let alone puke it,so my guess is that your bowl was marked off in some strange foreign measurements,like the metric system , with which you as an American student have no familiarity. You probably only puked up 12 liters, or some such inconsiderable amount as that. Think about it.

  7. Another Dan says:

    I used to be a vomiting mathematician. I puked 5 sets of 5 heaves one night in high school after consuming the wrong things. Erm, maybe that was being a vomiting physical trainer…

  8. sue says:

    None has puked as much, often or varied meals as I! I realize that I come to the forum of puking rather late in the discussion, but as a relative of Josh’s, I feel fully qualified to discount his paltry puking experience. I am the survivor of four pregnancies. Have any of you had to sleep on the floor of the hallway to be close enough to the bathroom so that your puking did not lead to the necessity of cleaning said puke from all surfaces leading to the bathroom? I think not! This sleeping arrangement went on for weeks and only led to other ailments(all preferable to the cleaning of puke). As to the question of quantity- that fully depended on consumption. Try to tell my stomache that and you would simply have been answered by the pathetic, yet emphatic sound of the dry heaves. there are many favorites of yesterday that I am no longer at liberty to enjoy due the traumatic experience of “losing my lunch”(breakfast, dinner, snack, stomache lining, etc) So boys, complain no more and cease your silly experiments. The victory is mine!!

  9. Nancy says:

    Don’t ask me how this is possible, but it happened. Sitting in a doctor’s office I drank 17 cups of water. 17. I urinated water 3 times within an hour after that, but I drank 17 cups of water.

  10. MonkeyBoy says:

    Hey, some guys here want me to chug 12 cans of Apple Juice in 5 minutes, I don’t know if that’s possible (almost 4.1 liters). How long did it take you to drink the 17 cups?

  11. tony says:

    jesus christ…I don’t know how old this thread is but man I had to say something…did you see how buddy “old prof” said that john probably ONLY puked up 12 LITRES!!!!! that’s like 3.5 friggin gallons for you americans. I stumble onto this cause I was trying to figure out why after chugging 4 beers in a row I was feeling super bloated…anyways…goodone “prof” you’re an idiot

  12. josh says:

    Tony tony tony,

    I am hoping that the reason you didn’t catch that the 12 litre comment was a joke is that you are drunk. The other option is less flattering.

    You see tony, “we americans”, in spite of whatever you have heard, can actually be ironic. You just played the part of the “overly sincere, takes everything literally, American” on my website. Quite an honor for you :)

    In the future I will personally mark the comments that were left tongue in cheek with a little tag. Or maybe a tag.

    So, feel free to apologize to “prof” who is, in fact, quite brilliant, and you will be welcome around these parts in the future.

  13. tony says:

    Boy do I feel like an idiot for not picking up the sarcasm in that statement, but I was not by any means implying anything negative about Americans. If fact all I was doing (while it seems quite wrongly accusing “old prof” of being an idiot), was stating a general fact and I’m not sure how any stereotyping was read into it.

    Anyways, if I ever post here again I’ll make sure to be more sensitive to sarcasm and the fact that you all probably know each other so there would be inside humour that I’d miss.

    Btw I never did get a figure that satisfied me for the average human stomach capacity…I just gave up looking when I got some relief from a few burps.

  14. carrie says:

    I stumbled upon this thread doing a school-motivated search for info on the “human stomach” and I, being all too American, noticed that I really thought the Liter to cup/comparison person was serious at first, too. I was also curious about the humor of the archbishop/scientist entry. ?. I believe the prof’s quote was speaking of truth and certainty. I was offended. Then I noticed it was because the sarcasms merely negated the idea that certainties are individual and nothing is wrong with anyone’s personal definition of or means to truth. That said, an archbishop and a scientist are both the same, as are each of us: attempting, learning, growing, and contributing in the way that seems best. Hey, by the way, have a great rest of the holiday season and even better new year!!!

  15. josh says:

    Not sure at all where you are coming from.

    The scientist quote is posted on a scientists door. It is a scientist saying, “Hey, science isn’t certain like I expected it to be at all. In fact, being a scientist has lead me to be less certain than before”. His position has had the opposite effect of his intention. Just as, if your intention was to meet girls, becoming an archbishop would not give you the results you expected.

    That’s it.

  16. good old boy says:

    i was also lookin fer some info about my belly. you guys sure use some fancy words. hell i can’t even understand ya’ll half of the time. any how , me and chuck were gonna have a contest called the milk chalange . it where you have to drink a gallon of milk in 1 hour so i was wondrin if t’was possible seein as how 1 glass fills me up . what do you think?

    (ps) you cant throw up either. and don’t you forin sissy boys be makin fun of us AMERICANS damnit!!!! sincerely joe edwards

  17. good old boy says:

    a stomach can hold one quart

  18. dave TR says:

    “The stomach functions primarily as a food storage organ, with a volume of about 50mL when empty and 1.0 to 1.5 L after a typical meal. When extremely full, it may hold up to 4 L”